What I'm Trying To Say
by MyMidnightLove
Summary: Zexion was never good with words, but Demyx always knew what he meant. Zemyx fluff based on 'What I'm Trying To Say' by Stars ONESHOT


His voice sometimes makes me want to cry

His voice sometimes makes me want to cry. When he's singing, _really_ singing, that is, his voice gets all soft and mellow, gentle. Almost like the notes he sings are caressing me, surrounding me, holding me... It's different than when he sings in public, and I like to know that he only sings like this for me.

Even better, whenever I write a song, he always offers to sing while I play, so I know it if really sounds right. Hearing my words in his voice... It's a feeling like I can't even describe. It feels good, feels right.

I don't think he really knows how good he is. People always tell him he's good, I tell him he's _great_, but he usually just looks down at his feet and mutters thanks. He's not a shy guy - far from it, in fact - but when you compliment his voice, he just kind of shuts up and gets awkward.

He's one of those people that, at first impression, you're pretty much ready to hate. Very quiet and antisocial, when he speaks it's almost always harsh, and just his whole body language screams 'Get Away From Me I Don't Want You Here'. I'm not one for hate, but it even took _me_ a while to warm up to him. Kind of hard to make friends with someone as warm as a rock.

Even though everything about him seemed to suggest anger, when I got to know him, I realized he was really Beautiful. His voice, his surprisingly gentle manner... Watching him, small, silent, graceful, I slowly came to see him as more of a transcendent being that a normal human like myself. He was different.

We were friends, eventually. I introduced him to _my_ friends, he said he would have brought me to meet his, but that the best he could do would be to introduce me to myself. He started making more friends, but the two of us never grew apart. We all did some crazy things, him included, and he slowly became human to me again.

He had flaws, I could see them now. He didn't always try to things as best he could, sometimes he decided it wasn't worthwhile, and only gave half-effort. He was possessive, and secretive, and oftentimes he could be quite petty.

He was still the embodiment of Beautiful to me, maybe even more so than before. Putting myself next to him, I always felt Ugly; but when he spoke, everything became alright again. He was still talking to me, still my friend, still singing for me.

As time went on, we became to each other less like other people, and more like other sides to ourselves. He was always singing _something_, and he was no longer too shy about it to let me hear. Sometimes I'd just spend all day on his couch listening to him. It wasn't like he minded.

People joked and talked about how we were inseparable, and they were pretty much right. I could barely imagine myself without him anymore, my life before him just a hazy blur.

We could tell each other anything. He always understood what I was trying to say. I'm not very good with words, and I learned to know what was wrong with him from the way he acted. Unabashed honesty was our unspoken code of conduct with each other.

_I am trying to say what I want to say without having to say..._

I was so attune to him, I knew right away when something changed. He stood just a bit farther away from me, his singing was less frequent, and, though it still sounded amazing, it was missing something. Conviction. He didn't sound like he believed any of the words coming out his mouth anymore.

This wasn't entirely strange, though. Whenever something was troubling him, he could tell me what it was through his body language. It was however a bit... extreme. He was acting weirder than normal.

I really started to panic the day he didn't sing. The whole day, not a single note fell from his lips. I don't think that had ever happened before, in all the years I had known him. And still his behavior was strange in all the ways he had been acting before.

That night, we were watching TV when my cell phone rang. It was a friend of mine, and she wanted to know if everyone was getting together over the weekend. I told her I wasn't sure, but that I was free.

When I went back to his living room, I found him sitting on the couch just as he had been when I left to room to find my phone, but with two thin, wet trails down his cheeks.

I don't know what suddenly made me realize it, but in that one second, it hit me. Honestly, I almost fell over. Instead, I stood there, frozen to the spot. His eyes turned towards me, asking why I looked like my world had just shattered.

I turned off the TV, and sat on the floor I always did when I was playing something for him. I had no instrument with me, but I started humming a song that I had written about a month ago. The one he said he liked. My fingers moved through the air of their own accord, looking for strings to play, and I stared straight at him as his mouth moved silently to words he knew by heart.

It wasn't till we came to the last verse that any actual sound came out. His voice was still just as gorgeous, just as _breathtaking_, as it had ever been. As it used to be. It was all there: the conviction, the _feeling_ that for so long now had been missing. And the truth. The truth that I finally saw, the proof I needed to be sure.

I'm pretty sure that's about when I started crying a bit, too. It was too much. The realizations, the overwhelming emotions, and his voice, just all around me. Like suffocating.

The song fades to a close, and both of us just sit here, neither knowing what to do. Your eyes have fallen shut. Wordlessly, I walk over to the couch. You look smaller than I remember, vulnerable. Eyes closed, messy, slate-colored hair covering your face... Beautiful. I kiss softly your eyelids, wiping away the wetness on your cheeks with my thumbs. My fingers are calloused from playing my sitar for you for hours on end.

'Don't be afraid, Zex.' I whisper into your ear. Beneath me, you shudder as my breath ghosts over your sensitive skin. 'I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, too.' Your eyes open, like you don't believe me, and you look so fragile... for the first time, like you might break. I guess you see the truth in my eyes, because you smile. I don't think I've ever seen you smile like that, either.

'How did you know?' I smile back.

'I always know, with you.' You know it's true.

_I am trying to say what I want to say without having to say... I love you._


End file.
